“Mamma, I met this beautiful guy.”
“Oh really? Where is he from?”
“Pakistan.”
“No no, no need. Those are very aggressive.”
“Ma, we are literally the same. We used to be the same country before 1971.”
“Nah still Pakistani men are so big and loud and they are just very short-tempered. You'll get in big trouble, you're all alone so far away. There is no need.”
“All men are a little suspicious, ma. Pakistani ones probably seem that way to you because they are bigger than us. Also ma, he’s Muslim, I thought you would be happy he’s not white.”
“Nowadays I think that what's most important is that they are a good person. Did you talk to him?”
“Actually, he talked to me. But it was so embarrassing I froze because he was sooo pretty. We were both volunteering at the Eid event at school and he came up to me and said, ‘Hey I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Saad, what is your name?’ And I just said Amina and he was standing there expectantly for a bit, and I also just stood there. I was so frozen it didn’t clock to me that he was expecting me to ask him a question in return and then he just wandered away.”
“I think he thought you were another Pakistani student.”
“Yeaah ma, I can’t stop thinking about it and keep hoping I'll run into him at school and start another conversation to fix my embarrassment somehow.”
“Do you have a picture of him?”
“Yeah I looked up his Instagram. I sent it to you, look. He’s cuter in person though.”
“He looks so northern Pakistani. Is he an international student or an immigrant kid?”
“I asked some mutual friends and they said his family immigrated here when he was in middle school.”
“You know, the people who immigrate with their whole families are either the very struggling families or the extremely wealthy ones who are fleeing tax fraud charges. What does he look like from his clothes and things?”
“Ma, I don’t caree oh my god he's so beautiful I’d drop out of college and go back to Pakistan with him and drop all my values and spend the rest of my life cooking for him.”
“Baby I need to take you to Kashmir and you'll get over it when you see that every tea seller there looks like your Saad.”
***
“Hey Amina, what are your plans for the summer?”
“Hey Borno, how are you? I wanted to get some work experience at the literary magazine. But I can't find the application form for some reason.”
“I know a guy, you should talk to my friend Dimitri. He did the job and knows a lot. Hold on, I can't find his number, give me a second.”
“Hey wait, I think I could also ask Maria.”
“Nah she doesn't know much, here's Dimitri's number. Give him a call and tell him you got the number from me.”
“Ok. Also I’ve been meaning to ask you, are you friends with this guy? I figured you’d know him as he's in your class year and major.”
“Ooooh Saad, I know him he’s a smart guy, he has an internship at Goldman Stanley this summer, and knowing Saad he’ll probably get a return offer.”
“Ok bro, I just want to know if he has a girlfriend.”
“Saad? I don't think so.”
“Situationship?”
“That I don't know. There has been lots of girls who asked about him and are interested in him though.”
“Really? Did he date anyone recently?
“He went on dates with lots of girls who asked him, but none of them ended up working out.”
“Why not?”
“These people just keep changing their minds and can't stick to a decision I think.”
“The girls or Saad?”
“The girls, Saad’s a sincere guy and always very clear about his intentions.”
“So Saad gets lots of girls? Really?”
“He’s very serious about his life and people like that.”
“I see.”
“You know, I always wingman for my friends. I wingmanned Saad to a girl before. They talked, but I don't know if anything ended up happening.”
“I see, can you try to find out?”
“We don't really talk about these things. Some people like to talk about dating and relationships all the time, but we don't really ask about personal stuff.”
“I only asked because you were talking about wingmanning. This is a strange thing to say, Borno. It's kind of condescending.”
“What do you mean?”
“Like, I feel like you're talking down at me and shaming me, like WE don't stoop as low as to talk about dating and stuff but you DO stoop so low.”
“Why are you getting so serious? I didn't mean it like that.”
“OK.”
“OK OK sorry.”
“Fine. Can you wingman me to him?”
“I don't know. I have only wingmanned men to women before, so I’m not sure how this would work.”
“Bro, it's the same, We are all just human people, I guess you just bring me up somehow, super sleek, and say some good things about me? It's okay if you aren’t comfortable, bro is like fully 5 foot 5 inches anyway.”
“Saad??? No no Saad is at least 5'11. Saad is taller than Ibraheem and Ibraheem is 5'10.”
“There is no way.”
“Yes no no Saad is not that short, Saad is a handsome guy.”
“I am aware that he is cute.”
“He’s always at the gym and very hardworking. Very smart guy, thinks long-term and knows how to control a room, he got an internship at Goldman Stanley.”
“You mentioned. Bro, I'm the one who likes him. I already like him. Why are you trying to sell him to me? You're supposed to sell me to him. You're too used to wingmanning men to women or whatever you said, like get your head in the game bro.”
“I would suggest that you become friends with him first, like talk to him and get to know him.”
“What could we possibly talk about, isn't it a little strange to randomly approach someone and try to be friends?”
“Why would it be? You could send him a reel and start a conversation. I think that’s the most common way.”
“Slide into his DMs? That is so desperate, oh my god.”
“What do you have in common with him? Wait, you’re taking Econ. You should ask him for help with homework.”
“We aren’t in the same classes though, what could I possibly want help with?”
“Just go and ask for help with anything randomly.”
“OK...”
“Just be friends with him, get to know him and see if you like him, what you do after that is your decision.”
“But Borno I don't want to be friendddss with him, I have enough friends already and I don't have a single platonic feeling for this man.”
***
“Girl, I'm so sorry about my alarm going off at 5 a.m.!! Coach is actually insane, he’s having us lift at the ass crack of dawn to train for the tournament this weekend. I was trying to be real quiet while getting ready, though. Hope I didn’t bother you. Also, I saw your man in there at the gym today, he's builttt. I watched him lift for like five minutes.”
“Why. Would you do that.”
“Girl, I was trying to see what you see.”
“Did you see it?”
“He’s...not for me.”
“Really? What brand of boys do you usually like?”
“Taller. Brown hair or blonde hair. Blue eyes maybe.”
“So like a white frat boy?”
“Heyyy come on.”
“Nooo it’s okayyy Izzy I think I like Saad guy because that's what's familiar to me so it's okay for you to prefer what's familiar to you I think.”
“I guess. So did you talk to him again?”
“I can't figure out how. I found out we have a mutual friend and asked him how I could talk to Saad, but it was lowkey a strange conversation. I can’t really tell what it is but it made me feel weird.”
“What did he say?”
“He said I should ask Saad for homework help, and kept talking about Saad’s fancy internship and talking him up while putting me down even though I’m the one who likes him. It was so weird.”
“Homework help?! That's the worst possible idea, he doesn't know what he's saying. If you were a guy and Saad was a girl I don’t think he’d tell you to do that. Boys have this habit of worshipping other boys. Do not listen to him.”
“Gosh Izzy you’re so right.”
“Yeah the boys are all losing their minds, I’ve been talking about this with the girls in my sorority. My little brother has learned the word libtard and won’t stop saying it.”
“Bro, did he vote for Trump as well?”
“Nah, he's 17. I couldn't stop my parents though. I'm sorry, Amina.”
“You need to stop apologising. As long as you didn’t vote for Trump, there’s nothing else you could’ve done bro, come on.”
“I think I saw in the news about like his bans on international student travel? Girl I'm so sorry if that’s actually happening, can you go home this summer?”
***
“Do you think you could have a substantial conversation with him?”
“No.”
“Then why do you want him?”
“He's so pretty to look at. Perfect eyes to face ratio. From what I heard he's a finance bro and tries really hard to sound smart. It’s so cute when guys do that. They are just...trying so hard and it's so adorable. I just want to sit him across from me and watch him try so hard.”
“Amina, what the hell.”
“I’m joking bro, for the most part. I’m just trying to diminish him in my mind to protect myself from being consumed by his beauty. Yeah sure he’s not into the same things as me, but nobody can take that man’s beauty away from him.”
“But he doesn’t even look that good bro, he's also lowkey a druggie.”
“Oh yeah he's in your year, do you know him at all?”
“We aren't really friends but we are from the same city, so I talk to him when I see him. But it's weird because he never seems to know what I'm talking about, he's like squinting his eyes and going like whaat and if I say something like ‘the event is at nine,’ he says ‘whaat do I need to buy?’”
“Wait deadass is he actually high all the time?”
“That, or maybe he’s just really dumb. You can do so much better Amina, listen to me, listen to your elders. How about Ibraheem?”
“Layla but I like Saad bro, are you tryna say because he’s Pakistani any Pakistani man will do? Hmmm I didn't expect this coming from you man, saying all Pakistanis are homogeneous and interchangeable.”
“Amina man, why can’t you ever be serious? I'm gonna kill you someday.”
***
“I feel like I've been talking and thinking about him way too much, and that it's a stupid problem and not really a problem. I feel needy and clingy and annoying when I come here frustrated every week wanting to talk about my same old pathetic ‘problem’ again. I just have a lot to do, and I just can't get over this guy and think about him too much which stresses me out but I also have so much to do and then I'm stressed out for being stressed out over him and also stressed about the amount of work I've piled up. And you know what's going on at home, I don’t think about it much but I feel like it's in my subconscious making everything heavier than it is.”
“This is my job. I'm in this line of work because I want to support you. Do you think that he really is a deviation or avoidance strategy from what’s really overwhelming you?”
***
“I just feel like going there and scolding him into going to get coffee with you to put you out of your misery.”
“Ma no, you need to stop saying out-of-pocket, problematic things about him.”
“Baby I don't want you to be wasting this much time away from studying, if having him will put you to peace, if I could do something I would."
“I told my friends the insane shit you said about the Kashmiri tea sellers, did you mean it like I would get over him because he’s mid in Kashmir because everyone looks like him, or like because streetside tea sellers look like that, he looks poor and that’s what would make me lose feelings?”
***
“Amina, if you can’t go back home you could always come back to San Francisco with me. My parents and I would love to have you.”
“Oh man, I’m still waiting to see what might happen, it’s so uncertain. They change their decisions every day. I’ll let you know as soon as I know, but you don’t know much this means to me bro.”
“Amina, look, Saad’s over there, I never see him by himself, go talk to him!!!”
“No way you’ve been keeping track. Do you actually think he’s fine? Izzy does not think so.”
“Yeah he is a pretty face, I see it!!! Good choice, Amina.”
“Bro Emily, you’re my best friend and I love you and I do know that you genuinely mean it when you do this but I feel like you got my back a little too much like you’d support anything I’d wanna do. Like if I said I had to hide a body, you'd be like, ‘you did what you had to do, Amina, I’ll help you dissolve it in acid. Are you dead serious that I’m not about to humiliate myself?’”
“Go talk to him Amina.”
***
“Hey Saad.”
“Oh hey?”
“I’m Amina, we met at the Eid thing. Can I sit here?”
“Yes yes, we’ve met before, yes sit down.”
“How are you?”
“I’m okay, fuckin’ senioritis, bro.”
“I see, a lot going on? What classes are you taking?”
“Yeah, I’m taking a bunch of Math and Econ, was up till 2 a.m. last night doing math.”
“I see, yeah staying up till 2 is not good for you.”
“But math is good for you. You should take math. Quantitative skills are in high demand with employers. Still woke up at 7 am, took a cold shower and went to the gym.”
“I see.”
“What about you, what classes are you taking?”
“Just a lot of English, mostly postcolonial stuff, some econ and GSS.”
“So I take it you're an English major?”
“Yeah.”
“I see, I love Percy Jackson, have you read Percy Jackson?” ◆
Homepage Image: Diedrick Brackens, blue under night, 2017, woven cotton and acrylic yarn, 78 x 31 in, from Gulf Coast Winter/Spring 2021, Issue 33.1
